Milf Hunters

Demi Moore, 46 years old, 4 kids

 On one of my many secret adventures into the mists of greatness and danger I had discovered something. It was so incredible that only the elite are able to speak its name. Just the other day whilst wrestling a tiger with my bear paws, out of the corner of my eye, I saw them. A league of extraordinary gentlemen mixed with the X-men. They had a concentration and cunning in their eyes that no mortal men could possess.

Kate Bekinsale ,35 Years Old; 1kid

 I approached them after I put the tiger into a sleep hold, a few words were spoken and I had realized they had accepted me. I had infiltrated a group that was as old and secretive as the Illuminati.…..The Milf Hunters.

Founded by a man who is a mixture of Richard Brandson, Mark Zuckenberg and Hugh Hefner, known only as Hughbronsonberg. Now I’m sure many of you may have heard about milfs, but nothing about the actual Hunters. The modern day Milf Hunter is armed with a Blackberry. He then uses it to stealthily take pictures of the hottest mom’s to ever roam the earth. Milf hunting is basically like being permanently undercover. Like the CIA just more intense. 

Hunters know each other through a blackberry group called Milfs. They communicate and compare their trophy like pics on this group. The trick is not to let the milf know you have taken the picture and one must always try to get the body and face in the pic, as we all know you get those milfs who are bottom heavy…. Am I right?

Monica Belluci, 44 years old, 1 kid

Trouble shooting

The difficulties of milf hunting are as follows. Any owner of a Blackberry may be well aware that a snapping sound is made just after the pic has been taken, and this can be troublesome in a variety of ways. A fellow hunter of mine was in a bank and saw a goddess of a milf. He dared to take the picture….. However the snap shot had alerted the milf and the people in the bank of his intentions, after sending the pic (valiantly) we are yet to hear of him again… other such ordeals involve jealous girlfriends, or even worse the threat of seeing your own mother on this very secret group…..

Brooke Burk, 37 years old, 4 kids

Now many of you may wish to make your own milf hunting groups. So let me, as the Bear Bass explain to you what you need to know about identifying a milf. Milfs have to have had a child or be old enough for us then to assume this, breasts should be bigger than an A cup. No one likes looking at a surf board kids. Secondly she must be drop dead gorgeous! She may not be ginger, as we all know gingers don’t have souls and cannot be attractive. She may not be fat, no one likes seeing kankles, back ache and people with a fat induced limp.

How to be a Milf Hunter

 The requirements to hunt milfs are firstly, years of skill, cunning and courage. Secondly you require a penis no smaller than 18cm- 30cm. No one said this was going to be easy guys, after many treacherous years of devotion and bravery only Frodo Baggens has shown I received the Nobel Peace prize and the Purple Heart for service to MILF hunters. I’d have to say men, obtain a Blackberry and do your country and mankind a service, go out and hunt yourselves some milfs!

Bear Bass