This takes me back to my pre-school play group in the summer of 1973, the gang and I were playing the usual break-time games, one arm pull ups, tire squats, pulling chicks etc. but for some strange reason I remembered this day in particular. A mate and I were scouting the playground court for any talent when we happened to have our eye on a particular Betty. It was what we observed that day that confused us for years.
A boy (let us call him Chad in this story) simply went up to her, they spoke for literally one minute and then the girl just ran off crying! Chad looked at us totally confused, shrugged his shoulders and walked away. This incident still so fresh in mind to this day was to lay the foundation to a lifetime of so much confusion and mystification for years to come. After this I would venture through life certain of at least one girl a week running down the passages crying or being hugged by a group of her friends... crying! But the same anomaly would hold true for every instance, there was NO reason
Fast track back to present time and finally I have figured it all out. Finally the irritation over witnessing another tear would stop! I have the answer. From this day forward it shall be known that man rightfully claimed his throne as the all magnificent. I don’t know what and I don’t know why but finally I have realized that all this time it has been Us! All this time it is actually us Men that these poor women have been crying about. Contrary to what you may think here is actually why! They cry because we are better than them and slowly as these girls grow up into satisfactory women they start to realize this too. As I look back upon my life it all makes sense.
To summarize it all I think there’s only one way to best explain it. So for both male and female benefit, I have devised this FEMALE-CRY-TIMELINE. This clearly illustrates just a few of the vital reasons as to why girls cry throughout their life time, ALL the time be it in school, at varsity, in the shopping mall, at a club, we simply have to know the females age and apply the FEMALE-CRY-TIMELINE principles below and bam, problem solved. We will know exactly what girls are actually crying about.
Please be warned: reading the following information will truly be life changing
· Between the ages 5-7: Boys will fart on and around another human being, regardless of the sex, and it will be perceived as cool. Girls can in no way do this at all, your rear ends must be perceived to only produce diamonds.
· Between the ages 8-10: Women can’t stand and pee. There are only about a million situations where this is a highly useful attribute.
· Between the ages 11-13: Men are superior athletes. This issue bothers women the most because they ultimately realize that there are only a few sports they can make a decent living out of, dancing, tennis and dancing.
· Between the ages 14-17: Eating a lot isn’t cool. If a guy can slam away eight racks of ribs in one meal he is somewhat of a hero. For women it’s during this time words such as hips and thighs become more predominant.
· Between the ages 18-23: Pulling/macking/creeping whatever you’d like to call the exchange of bodily fluids with the opposite sex. The all known double standard of life becomes ever more apparent as the more girls a guy gets with in a night, the more champion like he is, but for girls getting with as little as even two guys in one week could put you up for a “slut” prosecution.
· Between the ages 23-26: No matter how hard women try on the whole they will just not acquire the magical gift given to man known as “driving properly”.
· Between the ages 27-30: Women have a natural affinity for aprons and the kitchen. When a man is hungry a sandwich must be provided and so forth. This is just the way of the world as it was in the beginning.
· And the ages 30 and up: It is here that women start to realize that men only become more handsome and charming with age where as women…
So there you have it, I have sacrificed a lifetime of peril and torment to provide this in depth look into the abyss of the female conundrum. Al be it a shame that it has taken me so long to figure all this out, I do however hope that this wisdom may be passed on to younger generations so that they may prosper due to my heroism.
PS: go to gym
The Athlete/Model
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