How to party with a R20 to your name

 So students...

This ones for you. So we do Promotions, waiter at places we'll never actually eat at and drive around delivering pizza's in a tux. Then you find yourself spending more time staring at that dodgy gumtree add which reads 'Interested in the Adult Film Industry ?'

So before you go ahead and sell your soul for R1000 p/h (tempting) . Let me provide you with some ways to go out with a budget tighter than Hiddingh Campus clothing apparel

Assuming you have a budget no more than R20 for the night, you find yourself with very limited options. One of which could involve staying at home and watching Jersey Shore.

Ooooooor you could take the road less traveled and leave a trial for other cheap ass students.

So I will now provide you with a trial and tested 5 step game plan which has been successfully implemented on many occasions (by a friend of mine, not me Obviously)

Since you'll be going out with friends it would be wise to convert that R20 into the following increments


R2 coin

R10 note
R5 coin
Three R1 coins....


The reasons for aforementioned conversion will be detailed below.

STEP ONE: before going out

It would be wise to change your Facebook/Twitter/BBM status to hint that you're not feeling very well. This should be done at least 1 hour before you embark on your cheap ass journey.

So when someone questions your minimal alcohol intake you could respond with "didn't you see my status, I'm not 100%, darn Meds". 

STEP TWO: on the way to the club

It goes without saying that you should find a lift with a friend. Ensure that there are more than 2 other people in the car so that you could side-step your share of petrol money. Make sure that you pick a venue which has no cover charge. If you find yourself in a situation where you are faced with a R100 entry fee, you could always chunder in the Q and say once again " didn't you see my status, I'm not 100%,darn Meds".

STEP THREE: in the club

After your pal has parked the car. You find the closest Car Guard and you give him the R2 coin and say "hey man, I'll give you the other halve when we get back" (you don't actually give the R2 later)......Your friends think..."Wow..what a kind person.. R4 tip to the car guard before the night even starts".

STEP FOUR: In the club

Go to the bar immediately as soon as you enter the club. Order a drink with your R10 note, R5,R2 and R1 coins. You could get quite a variety of drinks to the value of R18 without appearing cheap. For those of you who are math geniuses you will deduce that your entire budget of R20 has now been spent...fret not young saplings...

You will now also notice that you now have a drink in your hand. Thus it is vital that you select something that could be enjoyed and sipped on for at least 2 hours. 2 hours may seem like a long time...there are ways to make a drink last that long. Some of which have been pioneered by the cheapest dam bastard that I have ever met! He reckons  you could use the "bottle-up-lips closed" maneuver  which basically means faking that you're actually drinking anything when you raise the bottle to your mouth. If you buy a drink in a dark bottle the cheap dam bastard says that you could even take a trip the restroom and fill it up with water.

Also try not to dance too much, it requires vital kilojoules which need to be maintained to prevent any further dehydration or possible fainting.

STEP FIVE: mid-party

Make sure that you are all over the club, giving hi5's to dudes and chatting up chicks. Do not stand still, if you do you might be inclined to take a sip of that now rather warm drink in your hands. Chat up chicks with no cash you say??? Easy... just follow some tips from THE PRO's and you'll be just fine.
 

STEP 6: Leaving the party

It is most likely that you will be half dead and on the verge of collapsing. Your friends would most likely want to grab some late night Mickie Dees, so there might be a gap for you to loaf a happy meal. Alternatively you could do the "didn't you see my status, im not 100%,darn Meds" routine and get yourself home and away from further embarrassment.

In conclusion I hope you have learnt a vital lesson......Take the Adult film job on Gumtree

@CapeBandit