Much like any Monday I was smashing masses and masses of raw iron apart in the gym. I was hoping to obtain pecs capable of blocking out the holes in the ozone layer, thus doing my part for society and riding mankind of this global warming burden... Just then, one of my inferior gym partners told me some shocking news.....
Powerbands are not real!!!! To top it off, the creators have even given a press release to confirm this! I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. The rubber band hologram infused 'this will make you instantly invincible' thing so many have spent half a students salary on!
But the saddest part isn't even the fact that it doesn't work. I mean come on. We all knew it didn't, but we chose to believe! The Powerband had something to trump all critics. It could have gone as far as rivaling religion itself. That something was tangibility. In every religion you have the pessimists, doubters,activists and even wars!
Lets just say for instants Buddha himself was to float down from the heavens for all the world to see. BOOM! Everyone would believe and Buddhism would win. That's exactly what the Powerband did! It floated straight from the heavens of the child labour capital China, someone in a fitted shirt and a clipboard simply said "put this on your wrist and you are now a superhero" and the rest was history. Just because we could see the source of our belief!
That's it, its that simple! Seeing is believing. But now its all gone because these assholes said so!
Now what?
Do not fear I have devised a list for us to utilize these once prestigious bands and to ensure you don't feel like an idiot for buying it.
- Ask all your friends for theirs and make a rubber ball. The sell it to school children
- Make a slingshot and shoot people
- Guys- use it as a tool to measure your biceps (the higher up your arm it goes the more in need of gym you are).
- Girls- you can do the same thing except the rules are reversed (if it gets stuck..time for gym fatty).
- Chew it and act like its bubble gum!
- Use them as handcuffs for your girlfriend
Go to GYM !
The Athlete/Model
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