The Greatest End Of The World Convo You Will Ever Read !

So last night I was minding my own business. You know, contemplating which stores I would loot if the world did come to an end. Suddenly, I received a very concerned message regarding my latest status update.

It went a lil something like this...

That is all.

@CapeBandit

Field Report # 3: Twins ??

TEAM PRESENT

* The Natural
* The Vixen
* The Blogger
* Crazy Person
* The Drunkard

LOCATION

* Toiga

THE SCENE

The digits 9:45pm flickered on the car radio...the full body of human knowledge could not explain why it takes women so long to get dressed. Thoughts of mutiny crossed our minds as we silently judged the Natural for bringing the Vixen along. A few seconds before friendships came to an end the Vixen emerged and we were off to tame the wild beast that is Toiga! GRRR! 

The constant smell of chunder in the carpets immortalized all those brave souls who had come before us. Sounds of <insert most generic song you know here> resonated through the empty heads of paralytic jocks and smug barbies strutted over all advances made by every passing male.  

We will make it in time for Free entry and 2for1 drinks specials

THE GROUPS

* The group of birthday girls who had literally spent the whole night looking for each other

* The twins (I really need to read up in Richard Dawkins selfish gene theory cause it still perplexes me how one twin can more ummmm 'genetically gifted' than the other) 

* The strange chick who suffered from  Chirophobia-Fear of touching someones hands (I could not even make this stuff up)

* Dr Bones and crew 

* Random dude who kept following me asking if I wanted to work for his promo company

THE NOTABLE APPROACHES

On this particular night I wanted to experiment, last summer I was the epitome of textbook game. I could gun out line after line and it had worked on many cases. However just last week I was at a popular pretentious venue in the atlantic seaboard. I whipped out the good old "Hi there, I need a women’s perspective on something. Do you think these beads are too much?" line.........aaaaaaaand it didn't seem to work.Well I had received a response but I could see that the line had gone right over her head. Looking back, there could only be two valid explanations for this anomaly 1) I was not in the moment and my approach seemed contrived 2) Every girl in Cape Town had read my Men in Beads post and were now becoming wise to my tricks....The answer was obviously option 2, so I had to switch the game up and try what seemed to be a very complex task...and that was to "JUST BE MYSELF". 

So that was it, I was just going to be myself...no lines..no routines...just usual boring banter...

As I walked up to the Group of Birthday Girls I was not going to use the tried and tested Birthday Girl Routine. I would walk up and think of the most generic boring thing I could think of...Mmmm...Exams...yeah...I'll talk about exams so I went up to their table and said "Hey, please tell me that someones writing exams next week"...The MotherHen responded and asked why to which I said that I wanted to know so that I wouldn't feel guilty about being out whilst everyone else is studying (yes i said whilst in a conversation, off course I speak exactly how I write).....aaand guess what happened next. They all burst out laughing and accepted me into their lil birthday bash. Thereafter they had spent the rest of the night looking for each other and asking me every 5min if I had seen where the other friend had disappeared to.

So I backwards engineered that approach and the reason why it had been successful was simply because I had the balls and confidence to go up to them and initiate a conversation without any expectations. I then wondered why so many other guys were not doing the same thing, until I turned around and noticed them getting piss drunk so that they could later harass any silhouette which resembled a female on the dancefloor. Then these dudes will only end up coming back saying that these chicks are such bitches. Truth be told the only chicks who usually hook up with random drunks on the dancefloor are usually floozies (In CT, these floozies backgrounds usually include private all girls school education, bad breakups, failed UCT degrees or yip..daddy issues).

Not really a true depiction of what I experienced, but close..well...not really

The Twins...the twins....mmmm...THE TWINS....well sorry to disappoint you guys but its not that kind of story. The approach was again quite standard. I saw them chilling and I walked up and said sarcastically "Looks like you ladies are having an AMAZING time".. they did the usual giggle giggle chuckle chuckle...Kings of Leons Sex is on Fire was playing so I asked if they were going to the concert. To which the one said that she had an exam on the day. Turns out she studies Archeology. I wipped out the Lara Croft Indiana Jones Banter and they were loving it.

It actually came as a shock to me that they were twins because the one was stunning and the other...ummm..not so much ( If by some chance you're actually reading this Ms Archeology chick,this is all meant to be taken with a pinch of salt, but genuine,don't party with your sister,kidding...or not) .This only became apparent after I had done the Best Friends test. How this works is that you ask a random question like "O,what shampoo do you guys use"..aaaand 100% of the time they will look at each other for validation before they respond. The Stunner was keen to give me her BB pin...Ha! that reminds me.. I still have to send her a message! Wonder when the best time would be..mmm...Probably just before Carte Blanche on Mnet starts, because its a well known fact that everyone sits down to watch it and nobody really pays attention to the first 20min about stupid save the animals crap.

I'm off to implement some BBM Game

@CapeBandit


Send a request to capebandits@gmail.com to get invited to join Cape Towns premier pua community website.

Text your way into her...Heart/Mind/Bed

 

- This is based on real events and for the sake of privacy the names of characters have been altered...well..not really-

Chad: "Hey, you see that Angel Goddess over there?"

Friend: "ummm yes, what about her?"

Chad: "We totally hooked up, and she even gave me her BB pin"

Friend: "Whats her name, I'll check her out on Facebook"....."mmm, she has a decent Profile Pic, she has 280 friends and I'm sure shes a quality chick cause those women with over 2000 Facebook friends are always trouble"

Chad: "Awesome, I cant wait to text her, I think im going to marry her"

THE NEXT DAY....

Chad stairs at his BB and decides to text the Angel Goddess he met the night before....

Chad: "hey, im Chad, remember me? lol :P We hooked up last night and I had a great time and I'd really like to see you again because I think that you are so beautiful and I've never met anyone like you before. I would love to take you out to this fancy restaurant and we could hold hands all the way there. Are you free tomorrow????

6 HOURS LATER....

Angel Goddess: "Hey, I'd really love to go, I unfortunately have other plans."

...............AAAAAAAAAAAAAND END SCENE !

Now ladies and gentlemen we at CapeBandit Enterprises have influenced many great triumphs of human ingenuity and innovation. It saddens us that the human population shall be facing complete and utter devastation.Our genes are being un-apologetically whipped off the face of the earth as a result of weak Text Game.

We have now taken it upon ourselves to provide you with a definitive guide to texting...a mere mortal might stop there...oh no..we shall go further, lets be honest... trivial chit chat and pleasantries does not build attraction. So one might then question whether it was humanly possible to create that 'chemistry' that will leave her flustered every time she see's your name pop up on her cell phone screen. 

Before we go any further we must warn you that CapeBandits does not take responsibility for the endless amount of phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook wall posts that you will be receiving after you have applied the information that we will now share with you.....

Continue reading at your own risk.........

OK the key to successful Text Game is divided into three core characteristics, namely that of timing, content and prizability.

Timing:

Timing refers to the amount of time which should pass before you send off your first text message. Now gentlemen this area is often misunderstood. An amateur would tell you to wait 2 days, now this strategy would work well if your aim was to get last minute date cancellations. Now a CapeBandit would send that first text within 5 minutes....Is that a shocked face I see ??..I never said that everything you've ever know up to this point wouldn't be made irrelevant...Imagine the scene..

CapeBandit:  Inserts number into his phone...then walks away for 2min...returns and says "sorry. I just need to text this cute chick who I met, she seems interesting but I'm scared she might be a stalker"

Angel Goddess: "umm..sure"

Whilst in her company the CapeBandit would then whip out his phone and send a text to the Angel Goddess right next to him. It would read " Who is that awesome guy standing next to you?"

This technique would genuinely be met with laughter, its unique and it breaks the ice for you to text again. 

Another element of timing is that of response speed... the rule of thumb is to be BUSY..or at least appear busy.This places more value on your responses because ladies tend to loose interest in someone who is always readily available.

Content:

The ultimate purpose of texting is to flirt,create a little connection , and get the women thinking about you. So do not try to engage in long drawn out logical conversations. One only needs to analyse the methods applied by a CapeBandit.

A CapeBandit:

* Does not come across as "Nice"

* Does not seek approval

* Does not ask questions, he prefers to lead conversations...nobody enjoys interviews

* Does not extend invitations

When it comes to content, there is only one real rule...DO NOT BE BORING ! ! ! !

Boredom can easily be one of the greatest human fears, why you might ask? Boredom has no feeling in it. Women thrive on emotions and feelings so try to add some variety that is not generic or predictable. Lets illustrate this below...

Scenario 1

Angel Goddess: "Hey, what did you do last night?"

Newbie : "Went to the movies, and you?"

Angel Goddess: "Not much, chilled at home"

Newbie: "Cool"

Angel Goddess: "Yeah..."

Scenario 2

Angel Goddess: "Hey, what did you do last night?"

CapeBandit: " Hey, I saw a movie and it got me thinking about you"

Angel Goddess: "Ooh Really ?? :)"

CapeBandit: " There was this adorable little puppy, that whined like you :)"

Now it does not take a genius to figure out which scenario invites the female on a unpredictable emotional rollercoster.

Top 4 Text Conversation starters:

1. "When we were thumb wrestling you weren't wearing a glove. Now im pregnant. We need to talk :)"
2. "Think I just found some batgirl underwear for you"
3. "I think I just saw your twin right now..Are you stalking me?"
4.    CapeBandit: "Stop! "
       AG: "Stop what?"
       CapeBandit: "Stop smiling and thinking about me. See, you're doing it. . right. . . now. "
       AG: "Oh, you caught me!" 

5. "Yeah..You're fun...so far"

Prizability:

Even though you have been provided with all this information, your text game will still be lacking if you lack prizability. Women enjoy challenges and once you appear too easily attainable, you will be fighting a lost cause my friend. An analogy could be made to that of a cat, dangle a ball of string in front of a kitten and it will do almost anything to get it, however once you drop the string, the cat will sniff it and loose interest very quickly. Everybody loves to win trophies, however nobody really cares if it was won in a one man competition. Show that you are confident enough to express your interest and if its not reciprocated, you are more than willing to end that conversation and move on to greener pastures.

So follow these steps and a new world of possibility awaits you...If you have any questions gentlemen..do not contact me...if it is an emergency..just walk up to any beautiful women and ask for me by name...

@CapeBandit